Dry Run

I don't drink anymore. (What's the old joke? "I don't drink any less, either." Rimshot.) I don't drink anymore, mostly because it doesn't agree with me. I get a headache. I can't read or play video games, they give me vertigo when I'm drinking. Mostly, all I can do is sit in the bar, and drink more. Maybe watch some T.V. Other disagreeable things happen to me as well, like finding myself arrested west of Fort Worth at 3:00 in the morning when my last memory was being in downtown Dallas at 1:30. Like getting up in the middle of the night and peeing on someone's piano. Like picking a fight in a biker bar when you're a skinny white guy in your mid-twenties. Like knowing what the jail cells look like in five different cities and four different counties. These are clues that your life isn't quite going like you planned. These are clues that maybe one should moderate his behavior and limit one's alcohol intake. Dry Run: the opposite of Beer Run.